I'm a firm believer in life. Of living as opposed to merely existing and floating through life. I'm also a firm believer in taking action as opposed to just talkin' the talk.
So why wasn't I living by that?
I've been in missions all through my teen years, and I have missed it so much. (Normally I relive my experiences by looking over old missions photos and eating malt-o meals and dreaming of squatty potties. [Royal Servants, Int'l. inside joke...] Ah.. it's the life..) It's been ten years since my last missions trip, and since then, I wish I could say I have been patiently and faithfully waiting for God to call me up back onto the field, but sadly that's not been the case. I wrestled the steering wheel of my life away from God and have been careening out of control for a number of years. After realizing no matter what I do, where I turn, what I decide... my Father knows best.
After coming back around to working on my relationship with God again, I started praying and dreaming about re-joining the mission field. However, given the circumstances of my past and lack of college, I was unsure if I was good enough to go back on the field. I had a lot of self-doubt, and a lot of insecurities started building up on how I wasn't worthy enough to go back on the field. It got so bad it was starting to consume my thoughts daily to where I couldn't think about anything else. While driving to church one night, I vented to my best friend, telling her what was going through my head. Thoughts of fear and self-doubt... or how I wasn't good enough to go back on the field. That night the pastor spoke on how self destructive thoughts can bring us down to the point of not being able to do the will of God. A few days later during my quiet time I found this:
"Therefore, we do not give up; even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day." 1 Corinthians 4:16
God's always going to be working and molding me into the kind of woman He wants me to be. This is a process and life long journey... I remember a friend a few years back telling me that if we waited to become "perfect" to be able to do God's work... God's work would never be done. God actually uses us best in our flaws. The most effective stories aren't the ones where the person has conquered all because they're perfect.. it's through our weaknesses is God's strength and grace shines even brighter in a dark world. It's still a battle for me, but I do want God to use me.
Last summer, somehow I found out that YWAM (Youth With A Mission) has what's called a DTS or Discipleship Training School. They're 5-6 months long, for ages 18 and up, all around the world. You spend three months at your school's location attending in class lectures and participating in local ministries. The last three months you spend traveling to select countries applying the skills you learned in the lecture phase on the field. After searching a for a few months, I finally found one I'm applying for. It's located in Newcastle, Australia and has a focus in using the creative arts to the ministry. There's a few all of the world that has a creative focus (for me as a photographer.. I can't tell you how amazingly stoked I was!!! To be able to combine missions and photography!??! Dream come true!!!)
I'll have more info on it later.. but I'll be using this blog to keep in touch with my family and friends.. and to keep an update on my journey. Right now I'm in the middle of the application process, and will be needing prayer supporters as well as financial supporters later. I'm so incredibly excited to see what God's going to do and to let my little light shine... His grace is awesome!!
Bye for now!!!