Friday, December 14, 2012

My soapbox stand.

I was originally going to post to my facebook.. but decided not to.. so I'm posting here. Just keep that in mind for me.. I didn't edit this... 
 So I don't normally use my facebook as my soapbox. I don't get into any of the issues such as politics, religion, or anything else that is very controversial due to the fact of, everyone on my facebook has different opinions than I do, and that's fine. Everyone who is on my facebook, I love to death.. and I respect their decisions as much as I would hope my beliefs and thoughts are respected. I see no need to get into huge debates over issues. I think just from what I post for me personally.. it's pretty clear what I believe and think. And if asked directly.. I will share what I believe. But I live my life the way I choose, and that's between me and my God.

So on that note before I go off into a complete rant.. and take this as you want.. for me this is a venting of thoughts I have kept inside for quite awhile. I've been quiet during this whole election.. I've been quiet over huge debates over the legalization of gay marriages.. of abortion.. of everything that is controversial. But as of today, I've really had it with the ignorance of the American nation. We are so wrapped up in everything that is all us. Everything that will serve us. Everything that will increase the size of our wallet and social standing.. we're all about how much more we can gain for ourselves that we don't look at the consequences of our decisions as a nation. We have for YEARS... even before my time.. have become so uninvolved and concerned with what's going on in the world. We turn a blind eye to everything. We are a fast food society.. we want everything good right now, no matter how bad it is for us in the end. I think the American nation and people are getting to become so spoiled and pampered that we don't have a backbone anymore. This country was founded on God.. and that is our basis. I keep having this mental image of a house built on a rock foundation, and people are chipping away at the foundation of that house because they don't like it. The house is going to fall.. and that's what we're doing to our country. I have a lot of friends who don't believe in God. Once again.. I can tell you about God, and give my testimony.. and tell you why I believe in Him.. but at the end of the day.. it's between you and Him. It's up to you to make the decision to believe or not.. to follow or not follow Him. But whether you believe or don't believe.. to deny the existence of God is like trying to deny that gravity exists. We can deny gravity all we want.. but we can't do anything about the fact that it is there and it is very evident in our life whether we choose to believe in it or not.
Americans think that world peace will solve everything. Only in the kingdom of God will there ever be peace on this planet. As Christians.. the Bible tells us this world is not our home.. and it's days and circumstances like today that shake you up and make you realize that. This world is evil. There is an evilness on this earth.. we talk about America all the time... it's not just America.. there's a whole WORLD we live on.. a really cool place called Earth.. and yes it's evil. The Bible says that the devil walks around like a lion. A LION.. and yet we're shocked and stunned when something like this happens. THIS IS NOT ABOUT GUN CONTROL!! Everyone has been yelling for less ignorance.. more tolerance (tolerance, by the way.. only extended to the people who believe what they want them to believe.. not tolerance for anyone who chooses to believe differently... like Christians..). They keep talking about ignorance every time you turn around. What about ignorance as far as really thinking gun control is going to help?? What are we supposed to do when someone is ignorant?? Properly inform them and help them understand what they're ignorant about. I understand that across this nation there are communities that aren't as comfortable with guns as say we are here. Here in communities such as mine, we understand why gun control is a bad idea, because we've been raised around with knowledge of how to handle guns properly. And newsflash.. if there is gun control... these people are STILL GOING to get their hands on a gun!! Just like meth... just like anything else that's illegal.. people are going to do what people want to do because once again.. the world is evil.
It extremely breaks my heart over the fact that this was done in an elementary school. We're an odd mix of people who have been desensitized by what we see in movies and such (no.. I'm not going on a rant over movies being the cause...because some people can watch it and be fine..others not so much. It does remind me of the days of when the Christians were martyred and given to the gladiators and lions for the pure sport of watching someone die and be eaten...).. and yet we're so SENSITIVE over anything that happens that's devastating. I'm always amazed at the immediate reaction of "Oh Jesus is coming now for sure.. this is a sign." Have we already forgotten THE HOLOCAUST?!!? The horrors of the wars we have fault? History has all over it's pages the blood shed of innocent people... there were camps in the Holocaust made specifically for children.. they saw these types of horrors DAILY.. and yet people still turned a blind eye and we choose to forget this because it's not affecting our every day personal life.. horrors like this have happened all through history. This nation is getting worse by the day because we're chipping away at our foundation, and letting the lion loose more and more each day. We're opening ourselves up to whatever consequences to our decisions may be. America didn't want God in schools.. once God's out.. the evil one is in. Don't believe that? Then go ahead and try jumping without falling back to the ground... there's gravity pulling you right back. You can ignore it all you want.. but there will be one day when your feet will be so firmly on the ground that you'll have to fall to your knees because you realize Truth.
It's not to say that because everything going on is signs that Jesus is coming back. This is a major ignorance among Christians that surprises me. We were never promised to live out our lives in comfy church pews. Christians are being persecuted.. tortured.. and killed.. and so many ways that this pales in comparison.. and yet we turn our heads again because it makes us uncomfortable. I talked to a woman last year who told me that Christians weren't martyred anymore. I told her to check out Voice of the Martyrs... where there are stories of what is going on TODAY in the lives of Christians all around the world. People who don't have the freedom to go to church every Sunday and Wednesday.. and people who don't have the luxury and freedom to publicly talk about their beliefs. There's were taken away.. and it wouldn't surprise me if one day that happens to America. Jesus will come when it's time to come.. but no where are we promised safety and a comfy cozy life. Why would we get that, but not our brothers and sisters in other nations??

My heart breaks.. and I pray so hard for those children that were involved today. We may not know WHY on earth a man would go in and do something like that.. WHY would he be so heavily armed and willing to hurt those babies??? People tend to refuse to accept that there is an evil in this world. And it's pretty strong to make people do such sick things to other humans.. especially humans as innocent as these children. It's been happening though.. this kind of thing happens in other nations.. it's happened in our past. I don't expect this to stop. I expect this to get worse. This country is so far down.. I don't think one small thing will tip the scale. If we have gun control or we don't.. if we vote for gay marriages.. or we don't. If we legalize abortion or we don't. If we vote Republican or Democrat.. or we don't... this nation started choosing a long time ago what direction our future will take.. and it's been steadily declining ever since.. and we're all too eager to usher it along.. so long as we get some temporary gain during the process. We don't know how to wait.. and prepare and enjoy the fruits of our labor later.. we have to have everything now.. no matter the consequences. And we're suffering the consequences and it's going to get worse.

As I said before.. this is some thoughts that have been in me for awhile.. I've chose not to share them on facebook due to I do NOT want any controversy on my wall... not among my friends.. or me with any of you. I love you all a lot.. but this is where I stand. If it offends you that much... you know where to take a friend off of a facebook page, I'm sure.
 As an end note.. After going back and reading what other friends have written.. I figured I'd better clarify before people really go off.. I am not waving my Bible at anyone.. I'm not putting this out there as a political debate.. I tell people when everything in THIS life is done.. you will have to face God yourself. With no one and nothing around. No one to rely on.. or call on. Nothing to help you bribe or talk your way through it... and God's going to ask.. who did you serve? Did you choose Him? Or the evil one? Despite everything going on in this nation.. in our country.. there is a bigger picture.. and that's God vs. satan. It is a battle for souls. No this decision to kill children did not happen based on how America voted this past election.. this decision was made by this individual. An individual I believe has the evilness in him. THIS is what we need to guard ourselves against. Because our time's going to come.. and we all better be ready. 

Friday, November 23, 2012

I carry your heart..

I think this poem is more popular than I realize! LOL But I have only recently read the whole poem and I've fallen in love with it. My sister and I are contemplating sister tattoos, and I think we're getting the first couple of lines tattooed... if I can talk her into it! :)
I'm posting it on here the same as I would post in my scrapbook. This is something I love and would like to share.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
 i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) 
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Sunday, November 11, 2012

A Letter to my Future Self...

It's been four years since I've been divorced.. and it's an issue now that I've come to terms with and really don't think about anymore. But my journey and struggle of who I am and who I've been and am becoming has been a daily constant. From completely down in despair where I feel like the only one holding me was my Savior.. to trying to stand up and feeling so completely unworthy of His grace... to standing on my feet and accepting my validation as a daughter of my God... to now.. taking tentative steps towards an adventure with the Love of my Life, wondering which direction He wants me to go. Life is a process.. and thankfully I have so much more than crutch... I have the Creator of the world holding my hand the whole time. Ah! I love falling in love with Him every day :)

I've spent so much time beating myself up for sins and regrets... and now that I'm moving forward, I feel like I'm in a stage of waiting in God's presence to see what's next in my life. There are a few things that I would love to do, but I'm praying and waiting. :)

I've been contemplating and praying about the whole missions thing again.. and what I need to do right now, most importantly, to work on my relationship with Him. The last few days, it's finally sunk in something that I've heard all my life: He is I AM. He is the God of Abraham, and Joseph and Daniel... this is a thought I may blog about later more in depth when it's sunk in.. but this amazes me. The same God who traveled with them.. and saw them through miracles. That God that Jonah cried out to, and Who was right there with him in the whale. The God that walked with Adam in the garden of Eden. The same God who shut the mouths of the lions for Daniel. Ah... What an amazing thought.. that the same God, is here with me.. and guiding me. He's not lost momentum... He's not half dead after centuries of miraculous wonders, etc... He's still right here fully ready to do with my life epic things. Maybe not epic by most people's standards.. but epic for the Kingdom of Heaven. My constant prayer: to learn to breathe God. :)

This morning a friend was searching through some old facebook albums of mine, and she went into one that I haven't looked at in awhile. It was a 30 day photo challenge. She clicked one picture of me I had taken a few years ago, and underneath it read:  "A picture and a letter.." I wrote it almost two years ago... and well.. it hit me pretty hard. It was like finding a message in the bottle... so here it is: I'll post it on here and maybe one day again in a couple of years I'll read it and smile again at how far I've traveled :)

Dear Two year ago self...
It's been a long road... and it's been a long time. It sometimes feels like yesterday, and sometimes feels like it never happened except in a dream. I'm so glad it's a memory.. You were stronger than you realized.. and more of a survivor than you realized. Maybe all my decisions were not right, but I am grateful for the way you stepped

up in certain situations. Momma was right.. a year or two later, I'll be able to look back and be glad that it's this far behind me.

To my future self in two years: Always remember you're tougher than what you realize... and no matter what.. how God sees you in His eyes. He holds me in the palm of His hand.. I'm precious and I'm a treasure.. no matter what happens. Anything that I don't feel I have the strength for, continue to draw from His.. I hope that in two years you're closer to our dreams and goals..."Be strong in the Lord, and never give up hope.. you're gonna do great things, God's got his hand on you, so don't live life in fear, forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here.. take your time to pray.." ♥

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Family Shoot at the Depot & A Blue Haired Bride

 Rock the Frock - My Blue Haired Bride

I wasn't sure about this one at first, but it actually became my favorite!

Utter Nonsense and Ramblings.

So it's been QUITE a while since I've updated.. I figured it was time. :)

It's been a bit rough the past couple of months, but I feel like even though my life is going through a "season" that I'm still coming out on top. It's amazing how God's right there no matter what's going on. I've studied the Bible my whole life, and I'm still getting what I need RIGHT now for THIS moment. No matter how tough it is.

So my second attempt to go on a YWAM DTS has fallen through due to a few unexpected hospital bills and a few legal matters that will keep me here until resolved. I was a bit frustrated at first.. I felt a little more connected to the girls on the Compassion team. I sent an email to the leaders and made the decision to hang back till I saw how things were going here at home. I accepted the fact that I needed to stay here and settle some things before either trying to head back on a YWAM DTS, or to take the next step where I feel God is leading me. I pray it's back on the field, because my heart is very much in love with the mission field. It's so hard not to keep pushing and rushing into that decision again, but I do think that God's teaching me to wait and have patience. There are things here that need doing in my life, that will only enhance what I can offer in the next step in my life.

In late September I went to the doctor because I had been struggling more and more with weight gain and extreme exhaustion. I also noticed my face and neck were feeling a bit puffy. He informed me that I had a thyroid problem.. which isn't uncommon, but it was a little scary at first. I was giggling when I left his office, because he informed me that I was "not normal.." Oh, dear doctor, you have no idea! He's placed me on the Mediterranean diet (this means a lot of fish. A LOT of fish... for some reason the smell is a constant reminder of my time in Japan...) and told me to start working out. My bestest friend since forever ago text me a few days later asking if I wanted to go workout with her in the gym. My first though: "Pish.. noo!" V's a quiet girl, but she knows me too well, and won't let me slack at anything. If anyone is the best at pushing me out of my comfort zone, it's V. So I agreed.. after a month of working out with her, I'm now addicted to the gym, down almost 15 pounds (wooo hoooo...), and can run a little ways!

The only thing I'm failing at is the stair-master. I'm convinced this thing hates me. I'm not sure if anyone else has tried it, or if it's intimidating to you too.. so I'll share my first time and maybe it'll encourage you to try it. I just highly suggest to tell your friends to step off their row machines/treadmills/elliptical's before you hop on. So this thing.. the screen is pretty high (I'm 5'3")... and like most gym equipment, you have to get the machine started, before you punch in what you want your workout to be and how long, etc. etc. Not a problem if you're tall.. or coordinated. I start climbing and it's easy enough.. yeah I can do this.. Then I try to punch the screen... I slowly start sinking... I grab on and start climbing again. Once I've got it, I try to punch again. I start sinking again. Finally I just sink and tippy toe up so I can peek at the screen and hope I'm punching the right numbers. I probably put it on the highest level and said I weighed 85 pounds... so I try to start climbing again. Every time I got high enough to see the screen.. I saw a flashing "Walk faster." I don't think so, dude. I was either on the floor trying to work my way up, or up at the top leaning heavily on the pole to try and keep it up there.. I finally sunk back down and decided to go try the row machine. Thank goodness no one else was in there!!

I did a family shoot the other day.. and I mean FAMILY shoot :) I did a session with my cousin and her family and kids. It was a bit chilly and overcast, but perfect for the pictures. I'll be posting them up in a bit!!

I had the chance to go to a bookstore, first time since forever... I may have gone a bit crazy (crazy by my standards and means of budget!). I found a huge section of Francine Rivers books.. to which I flipped! Francine Rivers to me is one of the most awesomest Christian writers! She takes stories from the Bible and turns them into clear images set in either modern day time or in their own place in history. I saw a book of different women in the Bible which I would love to get eventually, but the one I bought was called "Redeeming Love." It takes place in the 1800s, in a small gold mining community. The books main character, Michael Hosea, sees a woman named Angel, and feels God press on his heart that he's to marry her. Hosea finds out later that Angel is the town's most desired prostitute. He first believes that this is just his mind playing tricks on him, but he keeps feeling God tell him to pursue her. I started reading this book several years ago and had to return it before I could get too far into it, but just from the first few chapters, this book was completely captivating and romantic, not just in the way that Hosea pursued Angel, but the way God's love is portrayed through Hosea's love and grace towards Angel. I can't wait to read it again!
The other purchase was a Frank Peretti.. we've been huge fans since I was young. This one was called Illusion. Not so much spiritual warfare versus demons and angels like the other Peretti books I had read growing up.. This one was about a couple who had made their living as magicians in Las Vegas. After a horrible car accident, the man retires to a farm, but he runs into a 19 year old version of his dead wife. You pick up the wife's story when she was 19 in 1971 and somehow transports to a time of cell phones and laptops and something called google. It was so creative that I had a REALLY hard time putting this one down! I think a few days I only got about four hours of sleep because I wanted to see what would happen next! It's a long book too, so it lasts awhile reading wise! I loved it! So I recommend that one.

Movies: I watched Snow White and the Huntsman. It was pretty gory, could have been better. I for one like Kristen Stewart, but I think her character could have had more depth to the part. We also watched Man on the Ledge. I want to own this one! I've seen it two or three times now. I love dramas like this that have a lot of intrigue and mystery and a "wait.. what??" factor at the end of it. Then we also watched an old one "Inception." with Leonardo DiCaprio. I have to say that I watched it several times over. I liked it from the first viewing, but there was a LOT of depth and things I missed the first time. I don't suggest watching this one right before you go to sleep.. because I kept dreaming something along the lines of the movie! LOL

For now, I'm closing. Check the family shoot pictures, and I'm also posting the finished versions of the blue hair bride shoot. 

Next time I'll talk about something fun. Like pinterest.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Photo Peeks!!!

So I took the family ones a couple of months ago.. (my family, so of course I think they're gorgeous...) and I had to share.. but my friend Hope ( to check her on facebook...) and I got together to practice our photography with a styled shooting. I've not completed the editing process due to my computer deciding to slowly start crashing, but I wanted to show a couple of the ones I did. Hope's posted a few on her website that you can check out from the same shoot: Hope amazes me with her pictures and impresses me even more with her heart for God. She is a constant gentle nudge to me to work harder on my relationship with our Jesus!! I love this sister in Christ!!! <3

RAAANDOM!! I loved these for some reason...
Welcome to Mayberry!!!

The beautiful bride, Ms. Heather!

This chick is seriously awesome... I ADORE this pics!!! more up later when I'm done editing.

 AAAND here's the family sesh!!! Aren't they beautiful!?!?

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Jesus Calling...

I've been out for a couple of weeks due to power outages, and my laptop crashing.. (I hearby promise to shut my computer off.. and not run it into the ground by not charging it properly.. *sighs*). But I'm back :)

The mission field and ministry is heavy on my heart. To be honest: I'm scared of failure in front of everyone else. I've been officially accepted on to the Compassion team, even though I don't have the required funds needed to be accepted. I feel they're putting a lot of faith that God'll raise the money for me! There's so many little ifs ands and buts... I really do believe if this is where God chooses for me, then the money will be there, when God sees fit. It's definitely harder this go around to try and raise support when I don't have a lot of time on my hands. I have a hard time balancing my life just working a third shift full time job, and paying bills, trying to raise for a school/missions trip, is tough. I am trying to be open though.. if it doesn't happen, I think I'm going to have to come to accept that it's not where I'm needing to be.. that there is somewhere else I need to be. I do see this as an incredibly awesome journey... opening the door through something like a 6 months mission school may be what I need to be pushed to go do something I wouldn't normally do. So whatever happens.. I want to fully dedicate myself to Christ in wherever He leads.. 

"Stop worrying long enough to hear My voice. I speak softly to you, in the depths of your being. Your mind shuttles back and forth, hither and yon, weaving webs of anxious confusion. As My thoughts rise up within you, they become entangled in those sticky webs of worry. Thus, My voice is muffled and you hear only 'white noise.'
Ask My Spirit to quiet your mind so that you can think My thoughts. This ability is an awesome benefit of being My child, patterned after My own image. Do not be deafened by the noise of the world or that of your own thinking. Instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Sit quietly in My presence, letting My thoughts reprogram your thinking." ~ Jesus Calling. ♥